Real estate closings, the ones I attend here in Maine over the years usually at a long genuine imitation wood grain conference table with boatloads of chairs, lots of pens. Some real estate transactions a slippery slope with more bobs and weaves than others.
The easy real estate sales are the ones that scare me as usually there are mountains of details, deadlines, deviations to get from the listing on the kitchen table in a home. The rest of the way to the bank, lawyers office for the final event. To pass around the HUD-1, with sellers saying good by to their home of many years. The new buyers excited and ready to get out of the closing. Grab the keys and run to the paint store, to get moved, change utilities.
Have had real estate closings on a Saturday night. Not just 9-5 on business days.
Another one where a small girl put car keys in an electrical outlet that almost caused a fire, blew circuits, caused quite a hub bub.Some real estate buyers bring their whole passel of kids. And the entire day care tags along too. As the sugared to the hilt little rug rats climb the wall of law books like very bad behaving rhesus monkeys. As if it was a Disney ride, adventure. Parents oblivious and the kids know it. As the Maine real estate broker, just watch the attorney or banker try to get the stack of paperwork gone through quicker before too much damage occurs. Closing paperwork stacks that means three trees lost their life to make the closing possible, happen, legal. To get signatures on the HUD-1, leave with copies. Be on our way.
Another closing that lasted two and a half hours when an attorney that does his own property tax pro rations could not find 17 cents. So we were held hostage. Real estate day screeching to a standing stop with the sound of a large coal driven iron horse train. Lots of sparks as we fiddled, finally parted.
Only allowed to make bathroom stops and ask for another coffee while he put out the APB for the MIA nickel, dime and two pennies tax change.
Had another where the Maine land buyer wanted us to see a pitbull puppy and exclaimed this dog had so many foot pounds of jaw pressure and could crush a child's skull. Whoa, that made the room go quiet and everyone squirm, uneasy. Felt a little anxiety about where did that comment come from? Eyes darting around the room. Wondering what the human services hot line number was just in case.
Another closing was during a cold Maine winter day where the four unit apartment house had about 20 gallons of heating oil being chewed up as we huddled. Everyone with pen in hand, ready to sign before the place froze up. Took a chair around that long long table a few blocks from the property with the sale pending rider on our brand of signage out front. The seller wanted to be paid back for the oil and proration of oil was part of the contract. No matter what amount of Texas tea was being sucked out of the tank as we hurried through the closing.
I called the local oil dealer to get the today price for the small proration reimbursement. And the seller who is very well off in his own legal career, and due to two large inheritances says "that figure is not right". When he had bought the oil, he said it cost 12 cents more per gallon and he wanted the difference. More squirming about in the closing room in those now not so comfortable cushey chairs. Eyes looking down, folks starting to murmur.
He got the 20 times 12 extra on an adjusted HUD-1 real estate closing settlement statement. The best kind of real estate closings is the days with multiple ones. Four closings on properties added to any busy Maine real estate agent, broker, REALTOR's day is one to remember. Squirrel it away for years where closings are a little more spaced out. But like hockey goals, there are no ugly real estate closings. Big, small, complicated, bizarre, we sit through them all. Maine, low cost property, high quality outdoor recreational options.